Not a pretty day for wide releases. January and February are typically the equivalent of the movie studios’ dumping grounds, where they offload all the crap that’s been gathering dust on the shelves. This week the dumping ground gets an extra serving of cinematic castoff.

Fools Gold

Fools Gold
Kate Hudson + Matthew McConaughey = box office gold, which 2003’s How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days proved to the tune of $105 million. I would tell you about the derivative plot and what the critics are saying (hint hint, it starts with an ‘a’ and rhymes with ‘trocius’), but I just can’t get past the poster. Look at that thing. It’s like they gave the airbrush to a psychotic ad man who’s idea of beauty was a bronzed stick with sunglasses. My wife’s response when she saw the poster was, “Looks like some kind of creepy alien.” Creepy alien indeed.

Hit the jump for the rest of your “options”…

Vince Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show: 30 Days & 30 Nights - Hollywood to the Heartland

Vince Vaughn’s Wild West Comedy Show: 30 Days & 30 Nights – Hollywood to the Heartland
This movie has the dubious distinction of beating out The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford for the longest film title in the history of cinema. I don’t know any of the people this would appeal to, but I’m sure they exist…somewhere. A documentary about Vince Vaughn and pals as they tour the stand up circuit doesn’t sound like the most marketable idea, but Wedding Crashers did sell a lot of tickets. Perhaps its a diamond in the rough worth $10 of your hard earned bones, but I’d wait for the DVD.

Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins

Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins
Do you like Martin Lawrence? Do you like the idea of Martin Lawrence being beaten up by Mo’Nique and Cedric the Entertainer? Do you think Big Mama’s House and Black Knight are the cinematic equivalents of the second coming? If so then look no further (to be honest, I did chuckle once at the trailer, but ultimately this isn’t my cup of tea).

There are a few limited releases that look appealing, but In Bruges and How to Rob a Bank are in so few theaters that we’ll just wait to tell you about them when you actually have the option of seeing them. Also opening in a startling 111 theaters is the Paris Hilton vehicle The Hottie and the Nottie, which can only be seen as the beginning of the apocalypse.