A screenshot from Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. No, honest! I found it on the internets!

And what a thrilling day for movies it is. You guys are just going to salivate over this week’s new offerings. And I mean wide-eyed-erratic-heartbeat-tongue-lolling salivating.

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Now I’m happy to admit that I’m a video game nut. Even put in my fair amount of time on Street Fighter 2 Turbo back in the day. But this appeals to me about as much as dropping a rabid hedgehog down my pants does. Do the studios think gamers are so lobotomized that they would eat up something like this based on sheer name recognition alone? And perhaps the more important question: would gamers actually fall for it? Then again, the moviegoing populace on a whole happily forks over their hard earned greenbacks for films like Beverly Hills Chihuahua, so perhaps everyone is stupid and at the mercy of what Hollywood tells them to see.

Recommended if you’re an enormous Smallville fan and have been salivating (there’s that word again) for Lana Lang’s big screen debut.

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience
I’d like to take a little time to focus on the word ‘the’ as included in the title of this film. It indicates a certain amount of finality; as if to say, “This is the definitive 3D concert experience, the only one that will ever matter.” It’s not THE Jonas Brothers 3D Concert Experience, which completely changes the emphasis. No, it’s THE 3D Concert Experience, with “Jonas Brothers” simply being a descriptor. I don’t know what all of this means, but I’m going to go cry in the corner now.

Recommended if you missed U2 3D in theaters, which was by no means superior in every respect to this film.

So pick your mouths off the floor and go see one of these films now!