Release Dates Aug 06 2009 @ 08:19 pm
Theater Releases for August 7th, 2009
Well kids, G.I. Joe this week. It’s directed by Stephen Sommers (y’know, the auteur behind Van Helsing), and Paramount has decided not to screen it in advance for critics (pretty much a tacit admission that it sucks), but it’ll still make millions and millions of dollars. Still, I have to recommend either of the other two films on this list. As always, though, the choice is yours…
Julie & Julia
Allegedly the first movie ever based on a blog, this one follows the adventures of blogger Julie Powell as she attempts to cook all 524 recipes from Julia Child’s book Mastering the Art of French Cooking in a year. Reasons I care: (1) It’s written and directed by Nora Ephron, creator of You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally. (2) Julia Child pretty much taught me how to cook. Well, her books did. That woman is amazing.
See it if you liked No Reservations or Ratatouille
A Perfect Getaway
Hmmm…bunch of young, attractive people get lost in the wilderness and are stalked by something that wants them dead. Clever premise…I wish I’d thought of it.
See it if you liked The Ruins or Pitch Black
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Fun fact: prior to the extensive deregulation of television under the Reagan administration, children’s shows with toy tie-ins were banned. Why? Because kids are unable to understand things like the nature of money and the persuasive intention of commercials. In other words, creating a cartoon just to convince them to buy a toy is basically a poor man’s form of mind control. Anyway, Gen-X (and early Gen-Y) grew up with the first round of toy-selling cartoons — and now look at them. Not only did they buy all kinds of plastic crap they didn’t need in the 1980’s; they’re still spending money to see embarrassing garbage like this and Michael Bay’s Transformers series, just because they’re tied into cartoons they used to like! Congratulations, evil corporations, you win!
See it if your favorite genre of movies is OMG GUYS SHOOTING EACH OTHER AND BLOWING STUFF UP11111
on Aug 07 2009 @ 10:07 am 1. Evan Derrick said …
While the “OMG GUYS SHOOTING EACH OTHER AND BLOWING STUFF UP11111″ genre is a personal guilty pleasure of mine, I have to admit I have no interest in seeing this. At all. I saw a clip on Conan the other night and it was bad. That the movie is likely terrible is not surprising, but you’d think they could manage to make me interested with a :40 sec clip, right?
I do, however, like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and am still somewhat flabbergasted by his casting as Cobra Commander. I’d like to see that…. but that’s it. And that might not even be enough for me to rent the film later on.
on Aug 07 2009 @ 10:58 am 2. Luke Harrington said …
I found an amusing article the other day about why G.I. Joe might suck less than Transformers 2. Granted, that sets the bar pretty low, but it’s hard to hold in to any other standards given the vast wasteland this summer has been.
I like a guilty pleasure as much as anyone, but it always blows my mind just how aggressively stupid Stephen Sommers is. How do people stomach him?
on Aug 08 2009 @ 2:37 am 3. Film-Book dot Com said …
Love your commentary on Theater Releases Luke.
I loved the story to Stephen Sommers’ Van Helsing, though the execution was terrible with horrible CGI.
I might see G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra just to laugh at it.
6 Things G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA Needs to Succeed
http://film-book.com/6-gi-joe-rise-cobra-succeed/
Prediction: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is not going to do well
http://film-book.com/prediction-gi-joe-is-not-going-to-do-well/
on Aug 10 2009 @ 9:34 pm 4. Film-Book dot Com said …
I saw G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. I was not as bad as I thought it would be.
on Aug 11 2009 @ 5:36 am 5. Luke Harrington said …
Ha!
Sometimes, setting the bar low helps.
on Sep 11 2009 @ 9:12 pm 6. Seth said …
Love the cynisism in this piece.
on Dec 28 2009 @ 12:30 pm 7. Mohd Wimax said …
Hi, interesting post. I have been pondering this topic,so thanks for posting. I will certainly be subscribing to your posts.