Comments on: REVIEW: Citizen Kane…which sucked, by the way

By: yo

yo — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 00:57:59 +0000

I watched this movie in film studies the teacher hit me upon the head because i fell asleep the most boring movie in the world.

By: Luke Harrington

Luke Harrington — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 01:27:34 +0000

War Just in Front of the Stars

Stop Making Cents

20,000 Leagues of Their Own

House of a Couple Corpses

Duck Stew

Dr. Normalhate (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Balm)

In Glorious Bass Turds

Some Like It in the Pot, Nine Days Old

The Spring That’s Been Around the Block a Few Times, if You Get My Drift

Zombee

The Tricycle Thieves

Cocoa Before Channel

The Lying King

Walk the Line Segment

The Pink Panzer

The Quarterback of Notre Dame

Lolcats Don’t Dance

The Court Gesture

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:47:15 +0000

Hehe, “Children of the Wheat.”

Hey, why not revive our little game?

Clarence the Barbarian

Fried Green Pickled Asparagus

Beverly Hills Desk Sergeant

Monsters S Corp

Terms of Mild Appreciation

Cheap-piece-of-plastic-covered-in-Chinese-lead-paint Story

Saving Private Dick

To Catch an Enron Executive

Slightly-to-the-Side Window

North by South by Northeast by
West by Northsouth by Westeast by Northwest

And with that the game is back on!

By: Steve who need a reason why Citizen Kane was a bad movie and could not think of one

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 05:37:13 +0000

and now that i finishe my paper here are a few more plus some spelling fixes

Shouts of the Sheep

Rejection

Immegrant Crutch

The Gloomy

Air Force 2

14 Happy Women

Die Shoe

Everyone hates it Cold

Away from the Past

Virtueous Country

Bladewalker

The Forgiven

Villan

Lie Hard

The Witch of Fonz

David Ligto

G for Ghetto

14 Chimps

Children of the Wheat

By: Steve who need a reason why Citizen Kane was a bad movie and could not think of one

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 04:43:04 +0000

Im over a year late for the movie competition but hear are a few i just thought of a few

Rembering Sarah Marshall(even though movie sucked)

Darklight

One dug threw the Mole hole

Dependence Day

U-Robot

Full Plastic Coat

Eyes Wide Open

Catman Ends

Hichville Horror

Saving Your Sergant Johnson

Godmother I, II, and III

Doll Story

The Touchables

Sex in the Country

Slow and the Happy

Depression and Acceptance

Rejestion

Spy Adults

Highlight

How Low

Ben Durr- sorry for stealing your earlier one

Matrix Unloaded

Minor Leage

The Replaced

The Arived

There will be peace

Bar Wars

Pooperman Man full of shit

Normal Activity

George W. Bush

Scent of a Man

Bus Driver

Speed

Bruce the Weakling

50 second dates

Book Club

and finally for 50 cents movie
Be a bitch ofr cry trying

sry list is kind of weak but ive got to finish my paper

By: Like, OMG, I’m totally joking, okay!?, or: Why ‘Citizen Kane’ sucks « …yet made of stars

Tue, 06 Jan 2009 01:47:09 +0000

[...] Cross-posted at: MovieZeal [...]

By: G

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 19:08:09 +0000

The Bridge on the River of Chai.

There. I’m done, and I win. The end!

By: Luke Harrington

Luke Harrington — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 18:35:51 +0000

I guess it’s a compliment when so many people read it, think I’m serious, and get offended. I really like how this guy makes fun of my “valspeak” affectations, when he’s clearly so articulate himself.

Oh, and sorry I missed the party. Ya’ll caught me at a busy time. I guess I’ll suggest that Prince make a movie called “Lavender Sleet.”

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:31:07 +0000

Oh man, it’s the post that keeps on giving.

By: f*@$ you

f*@$ you — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:15:10 +0000

like, dude, like like like omg, like SHUT THE FUCK UP!

By: G

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:33:37 +0000

I’m assuming that “Beauty and the Cosmetically Challenged Guy” is not a reference to Beauty and The Beast but rather “Beautician and the Beast.”

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:48:28 +0000

Hey! I’m not finished!

Beauty and the Cosmetically Challenged Guy

Austin Powers in Aluminummember

Last Electric Slide in Paris

The Llamawhisperer

Lawrence of Jersey

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington Heights

In Search of a Midnight Sloppy Seconds

Man On Substantial Plank

Uncomfortably Chilly Mountain

Lord of the Livestrong Bracelets

Easily-Dented-Copper Man

I reject your “I’m all out of ideas” capitulation, G. My brain is agile and unstoppable!

By: G

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:46:20 +0000

Well, I’m all out of ideas. I think it’s time to declare a loser.

Luke Harrington, for never playing the game with us even though he authored this hilarious piece, is the loser.

Evan: anyone you wish to declare the winner is fine by me, as long as we agree on who came in last.

By: Sam Juliano

Sam Juliano — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 15:26:59 +0000

I like OF CHRIST AND MEN and DIAL P FOR PIZZA the best…..LOL!!!!!

By: Joel

Joel — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 16:59:33 +0000

I can’t decide whether I like The Preposition or Apocalypse Dow better. Nice job.

Sam, you’re being far too kind. ALL the entries are pretty entertaining.

A couple more:

A Touch of Elvis

Yarn of the Dead

The Last Temptation of Mice

Of Christ and Men

The Man Who Knew Quite a Bit

Dial P for Pizza

The Notably Impressive Seven

By: Sam Juliano

Sam Juliano — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 15:54:02 +0000

LOL!!!!!

Both Joel and G have oudone themselves with these further entries, which blow all the earlier ones out of the water!

By: G

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 15:44:35 +0000

Away from Ur

Knocked Down

Falling Up

White Squaw

Hassle in the Sky

The Preposition

Apocalypse Dow (for those following the news)

Scotland, PE

Mission: Improbable

Do the White Thing (ooh…that one’s maybe a touch beyond the pale)

Coffee, Cigarettes, and Crystal Meth

Malcolm Ten

Tropic Dunder-Mifflin

Ok, I think my well might have run dry (yesterday, that is). We need some new blood here: Joel, tell your friends!

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 02:54:47 +0000

Foiled! Fine, but I shall return when my brain isn’t addled and sleep deprived.

By: G

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 01:35:24 +0000

We have another entrant! Evan, I deny you your victory. Right now I don’t have any new ideas, but I’ll be back.

There Will Be Bread: genius

By: Joel

Joel — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 00:19:19 +0000

Heh, I know you’ve closed the entry window for the contest, but this is a great thread. Let me contribute:

Blood Facile

Raising Utah

Ben Stiller’s Crossing

Fairbanks

Yo Bro, Where You Be?

The Oversized Lewbowski

The Man Who Was Somewhere Else

Fairly Unpleasant Spitefulness

Not a Nation for Elderly Males

Lox, Salmon, and Two Burnt Bagels

12 Ticked-off Dudes

The Unnerving Quiet of the Sheep

A Lot Regarding Eve

The Pretty Impressive Escape

There Will Be Bread

The Day the Earth Refused to Move

The Pleasant Odor of Success

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:48:18 +0000

Well, it appears we’re the only ones playing. So, now that we need to declare a winner (you always have to have a winner) I declare myself the victor. Thank you all for playing, perhaps you’ll do better next time.

P.S. Pleathers was pretty awesome.

By: G

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 02:51:04 +0000

Mrs. Moviesetal and I collaborated on these. Shouldn’t Luke be playing too? What about Kristena?

Brunch at Tiffany’s

Hulu

Olivier!

The Wild Hunch

The Girth of a Nation

Run

Ed Would

Pattin’

Pleathers

The Mild One

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Whom?

Oceans 12…wait..Oceans 13…um…Dammit!

By: Sam Juliano

Sam Juliano — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 22:49:19 +0000

And G, I loved that Francis Bacon comment too!!!! LOL!!!

By: Sam Juliano

Sam Juliano — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 22:48:31 +0000

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Touche Evan!!!!!!!!!

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 22:26:10 +0000

Well, fine then…

Not-so-nicefellas

A Clockwork Nectarine

The Seven and 3/8ths Seal

Some Like it Mildly Lukewarm

The 400 Pokes

Dances With Domesticated Shitzus

Singin in the Category 5 Hurricane

Aguirre: The Bored Indifference of God

Sextuple Indemnity

Are you happy now, G? Huh? Are ya? Do I have your permission to play the made-up game on my own site now?

By: G

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 22:00:59 +0000

Oh, and Sam: thanks for inventing this game. It’s fun. I hope some others play; I’m inclined not to count Evan’s entry, as only two movie titles just aren’t enough.

By: G

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 21:57:03 +0000

Evan, are you implying that Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare’s plays? How naive. It was clearly Francis Bacon. Or, at the very least, the ghost of Roger Bacon.

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 21:44:30 +0000

Why stop with “Hamlet”, Sam? Why not just get rid of all of Shakespeare?

Overrated hack.

Personally I’m waiting on Apocalypse Then and Slighty Disgruntled Bull.

By: Sam Juliano

Sam Juliano — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 21:34:29 +0000

Also, now that we’re on the subject of how CITIZEN KANE sucks so much, I would like to tell you how horrible the following are as well:

Shakespeare’s HAMLET

Beethoven’s NINTH SYMPHONY

Mozart’s REQUIEM

Renoir’s RULES OF THE GAME

Van Gogh’s STARRY NIGHT

Hugo’s LES MISERABLES

Michaelangelo’s THE LAST SUPPER

Da Vinci’s MONA LISA

Bergman’s WILD STRAWBERRIES

Williams’ A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE

Bresson’s AU HASARD BALTHEZAR

Tchaikovsky’s PATHETIQUE SYMPHONY #6

I immediately commission my good friend Luke Harrington to immediately write s cagthing appraisals of these artistic abominations. The world has been in the dark for far too long.

By: Sam Juliano

Sam Juliano — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 21:19:58 +0000

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!

“G” those are great!!!!!

By: G

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 20:17:51 +0000

Bunny and Clide

The Magnificent Andersons

Ben Her

Pulp Friction

Franny Hall

Hi, Noon!

The Man Who Was There

Meet John Deere

By: Sam Juliano

Sam Juliano — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 16:56:41 +0000

I also think Evan, that was a great comment! And as to that ass “Flick Chart” what can you really expect from someone who spells Orson Welles’ influential masterpiece—”CITZEN CANE”
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

What next:

Begone With the Wind?

The Six Commandments?

2003: A Space Odyssey?

No Country For Old Women?

By: G

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:54:57 +0000

Nick, if you don’t know what it’s like for your entire skins to start to vomit, no one can explain it to you.

This is a pretty awesome comment. I approve. (especially the fact that they acknowledge that their hatred is so great that they now hate themselves.)

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:49:05 +0000

I don’t know, but its pretty funny. My favorite part is that they now hate Luke and “anyones that even been in contact with you.” Ah the internet, what wonders you breed in your deep, dark depths.

By: Nick Plowman

Nick Plowman — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:38:46 +0000

“My entire skins started to vomit” what does that even mean?!

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:20:47 +0000

Best. Comment. Ever. This one makes my day.

P.S. This review is what we call “sarcasm,” although I imagine you’ll never return here to read this response. That’s OK. I can live with that.

By: someonewhounderstandsgoodmovies

someonewhounderstandsgoodmovies — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 13:12:50 +0000

omg are you serious?
Citizen Kane is the probably the best movie of all time
omg why are you all such morons?
My entire skins started to vomit after reading some of your review
I had to stop in order for myself to survive
I hate you and your family and anyones that even been in contact with you. Which probably includes me now but its worth it.

By: Flickchart - Finding the Best Movies &raquo Coffee and Celluloid

Flickchart - Finding the Best Movies &raquo Coffee and Celluloid — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 07:16:35 +0000

[...] Yes, AFI tried to answer that question. But Citizen Cane? Really? It was his stupid sled. [...]

By: Luke Harrington

Luke Harrington — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 00:11:17 +0000

I thought about making it more prominent (there were even banners I could have used), but I kind of wanted to see if anyone would take me seriously.

Heh…though the idea of someone that writes for a movie blog, and has never heard of Citizen Kane (or even black and white) is a pretty absurd one, though.

So, sorry if I offended you Ivette…and be sure to come back.

By: James

James — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:44:18 +0000

@ Ivette:

I think you might be missing the point of the article… This piece is what you would call, “satire.”

Correct me if I’m wrong, but the article is written from the point of view of a teenage movie-goer who has never heard of Citizen Kane, but is wrangled into seeing it anyway.

Sad to say, I know a few people like this, and I thankfully cannot claim them as friends.

But perhaps that could’ve been understood a bit earlier if the following statement had been a bit more prominent:

“Note: This was written for the Bizarro Blogathon at Lazy Eye Theater.”

Just one fellow’s opinion.

Aloha,
James

By: Ivette

Ivette — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:20:39 +0000

This review really makes me sad… You really didn’t like this film? Ya sure it’s B&W, but then again I hope you didn’t miss the part that said it was made in 1941.

BTW, how the hell did your friend come around to finding this?

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:07:44 +0000

James, you are more than welcome my friend. I cannot tell you how honored I am that you think MZ would be a good place to get your film fix. At the expense of sounding totally lame and schmaltzy, people like you are the reason we began this site – to connect with people online, build a community of folks interested and passionate about film, and hopefully learn as much from them as they might learn from us.

And to be honest, we really don’t know what we’re talking about…we just read IMDB all day and make a bunch of stuff up. No need to be intimidated, James. Your opinions will always be welcome. And remember, if you don’t think you have anything interesting to say, just make a monkey joke. We love monkey jokes.

By: Luke Harrington

Luke Harrington — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:04:54 +0000

Well thanks, James…I have to say I’m flattered. I agonized over this piece for days, trying to get at what was really the essence of Citizen Kane (turns out that it was an old dude dying…hmmm).

Seriously though, welcome. We’re still young here, and still building an audience, so it’s always fantastic to get a compliment as nice as that one ^. Feel free to leave your thoughts anytime.

By: James

James — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:12:52 +0000

This is my first time posting on this website, so I better make it a good one.

However, from reading the other comments, it’s easy for me to get very intimidated by the sheer intellect and passion of not only the contributors, but the ordinary patrons as well. For the past few days, I’ve been listening, browsing around, and taking in the atmosphere. Now, I have finally decided that this site will be my resource for films.
Sad to say, that this article was one of the reasons that I want to stay here.

I hope you feel proud of yourselves.

Aloha,
James

By: Luke Harrington

Luke Harrington — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 14:44:23 +0000

Yeah, I know – like, some people even have “blogs” where they do nothing but talk about movies. Those losers need to get girlfriends.

By: Fox

Fox — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:40:56 +0000

Right on Luke! I’m so glad you’re talking about this.

I rented it from Blockbuster one time (NOTE: they gave me TWO (!!) discs, and I was like “Dude! How long is this movie? It’s on TWO dvds!! UGH!”…anyway…) and for some reason that fat dude with glasses, Gene Siskel, was all talking over the movie and explaining everything. Anyways… he got to the part about how Citizen Kane was important because of “deep focus”? Um… ok. Like, I’ve seen movies that came out before Citizen Kane and they were totally in focus. GAWD… what an idiot. Movie obsessives are so lame.

By: Evan Derrick

Evan Derrick — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 19:30:16 +0000

Tragedies, Scott. Tragedies all around.

By: Scott

Scott — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 19:22:51 +0000

“And Xanadu is so not some mansion in California. It’s an Olivia Newton-John movie, okay???”

I KNOW! I totally tired to tell my professor this but. he. would. not. listen.

He also didn’t listen to my “BLACK&WHITE” equalls “BORING&WIRED” arguments.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:57:43 +0000

I’m with you, Luke. I tried watching this crapfest one night and the entire time I thought “I could be doing my nails, instead of watching some bloated old fart whine about life.” I mean the lead guy wasn’t even hot! How is the movie suppose to hold my attention with this Orson Welles windbag, who’s far from being the next Sexiest Man Alive.

Whatever. I’m going to watch Grey’s Anatomy.

By: Rick Olson

Rick Olson — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:48:55 +0000

Tokyo Story … now THERE’S a piece of crap. Ozu was a talentless hack, who couldn’t even afford a dolly for Pete’s sake. Michael Bay: now there’s a genius. HIS camera moved all the time.