After the glut that was last week’s release schedule (Racer and Heart and Europa oh my!), things have calmed down a bit. And not in a “whew, I needed a rest from all that good movie watchin’!” kind of way, but in a “help, I’ve been shot in the groin!” kind of way. On closer inspection, I’m not entirely sure that last sentence made any sense, but I’m sticking with it.

Slacker Uprising
I’m no Michael Moore fan. I find him somewhat funny, I appreciate what he achieves in a cinematic sense, but I like my documentaries to make a solid run at objectivity, even if it isn’t fully attainable. Maybe it has more to do with my dislike of belief systems being rammed down my throat, but whatever it is, he’s not my field trip buddy. All that said, his last film, Sicko, managed to be about a little bit more than just his raging ego, and his new film, Slacker Uprising, is being released onto the world wide webs absolutely free of charge. Yup. Totally free. It follows his whirlwind tour throughout small and big town America recruiting voters from amongst the notoriously lazy college demographic. Did I mention it was free? (if you insist on paying for free things, you can snag it for $10 from Amazon…just sayin’) And free makes it the #1 pick of the week. That and none of the other options are really sizzling my fajita, if you know what I mean.

Recommended if…do I really need to finish this sentence? Nope, I didn’t think so.

The Foot Fist Way
The little movie that made Danny McBride an insta-star. The cantankerous comedic dunderhead used his role in this uber-low budget film about a clueless martial arts instructor to parlay his way into Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder, and the upcoming Land of the Lost beside Will Ferrell. Man’s agent needs to cut back on the double macchiatos. This film strikes me as an unpleasantly mean version of Napolean Dynamite, or what you would get if Ralph Macchio’s Karate Kid had done too much acid, been kicked one too many times in the man jewels, discovered that dreams really do die horrible deaths, and then become a children’s Tai Kwan Do instructor at the bitter age of 38.

Recommended if you felt McBride’s character in Pineapple Express needed even more physical abuse and gunshot wounds.

Leatherheads
On paper this idea looks charming: a screwball comedy in the vein of Frank Capra or Howards Hawks about the origins of American football, starring George Clooney, Renée Zellweger, and Jon Krasinski. But somewhere the train left the tracks, and this one left critics and audiences cold. More interesting was all of the drama behind Clooney’s battle to get a writing credit on the film, claiming that he had substantially rewritten the script (which had sat on the shelf for 17 years). The WGA said “Suck it,” so Clooney went all “financial core” on their butts (I don’t know what that means, but apparently it means business).

Recommended if you liked It Happened One Night, His Girl Friday, or The Hudsucker Proxy (but don’t expect much if you did).

| Buy Leatherheads on Blu-ray

Run, Fatboy, Run
David Schwimmer (yes, that David Schwimmer) makes his directorial debut about a schlub who leaves his fiancee at the altar, only to later regret it when she hooks up with a jerkface, and decides to win her back by running a marathon. I guess he’s a little overweight so you can see where they got the title. Brilliant, huh? Simon Pegg stars but that apparently didn’t add too much to the proceedings. I’m just waiting for his turn as Scotty on J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek reboot. Daniel Getahun was apparently unimpressed with all of the gratuitous butt shots, and Mr. Fletch was mildly amused by the montages (but unintentionally so). Needless to say, I’m not rushing out to snag this one.

Recommended if you think Simon Pegg ogling Hank Azaria’s junk is ripe with comedic possibilities.

Deception
Young Obi Wan Kenobi, Wolverine, and Miss Dawson’s Creek star in a steamy, erotic thriller that looks neither steamy nor erotic. Perhaps it’s steamily erotic in the sense that large, hairy, Russian men lounging in a sauna are steamily erotic, but I really don’t want to follow that admittedly random thought out to it’s logical conclusion. This definitely looks like a paycheck rest stop on the way to more respectful fare like Synedcoche, New York and Australia.

Recommended if Basic Instinct was, like, the total shiznitz, baby.

Pathology
Now comes the part where I get lazy. Craig Kennedy of Living In Cinema slapped this turkey with a single star, and I’m just going to let his excellent review do the heavy lifting: “The MPAA inadvertently provides the most compelling reason to see Pathology, rating it R ‘for disturbing and perverse behavior throughout, including violence, gruesome images, strong sexual content, nudity, drug use and language.’ This is a selling point to some movie viewers (including this one, I admit) and I’m sure the filmmakers rejoiced when the rating came down, but don’t be fooled….Neither shocking nor titillating, Pathology commits the unpardonable sin of any exploitation picture: it bores you to death.” Ouchee.

Recommended if you write E.R.-meets-I Spit On Your Grave fan fiction in your spare time.