Hey! You! Before reading my sparkling prose on the films coming out this week, why don’t you enter to win a free copy of Southland Tales on Blu-ray? All you have to do is visit this post and leave a comment using a valid email address. That’s it. Easy peezy lemon squeezy.

After doing that, go on and peruse this list of films competing for the cash in your wallet. You deserve it.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army –
One of the best comic book movies of the year, and in 2008 (with The Dark Knight and Iron Man entering the fray) that’s saying something. The plot’s woven a bit thin, and if you look too hard at the fabric you’ll see holes big enough to twiddle your thumbs in, but del Toro (who’s currently helming The Hobbit behemoth) infuses every frame with limitless amounts of his imagination. This is one of those films where, afterwards, you want to head over to the bookstore immediately and pick up one of those “The Art Of….” movie tie-in volumes and gaze at it indefinitely.

Recommended if you long for the tangible, CGI-less art design of fantasy classics such as The Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, and The Neverending Story.

| Buy Hellboy 2: The Golden Army on Blu-ray

Sukiyaki Western Django –
Japanese splat-master Takashi Miike turns his bizarro mind towards that most august of genres, the samurai-spaghetti western. This film is a bit difficult to accurately describe: the costume and set design are conspicuous nearly to a fault; the all-Asian cast (except for Quentin Tarantino, mugging it up as always) speak their lines in English, but I believe most of the actors don’t really speak the language, making the dialogue sound like a badly dubbed chop-socky flick; and it doesn’t really make any sense. But, it is unlike anything you will see this year, and for that reason alone it’s worth checking out.

Recommended if you always find yourself gravitating to the strangest possible films in the video store and checking them out by virtue of their eclectic box-art alone.

| Buy Sukiyaki Western Django on Blu-ray

Star Wars: The Clone Wars –
Look, another ploy to hook your children on shiny plastic toys they’ll become bored with in just under 2 hours! See stiff, wooden characters voiced by stiff, wooden voice over artists! Watch Lucas and Co. rape the Star Wars IP into oblivion! (reminds me of a recent South Park episode, by the way…you know the one I’m talking about) And yet, part of me still wants to see this almost guaranteed assault on good taste, simply because it looks somewhat pretty and has Star Wars in the title. Ole’ Georgie knows when he has a bunch of suckers on the hook, and who can blame him for reeling in an easy catch every now and then?

Recommended if you feel that hook digging into the soft tissue of your mouth and know that it’s only a matter of time before the fisherman guts you for his dinner.

| Buy Star Wars: The Clone Wars on Blu-ray

Planet B-Boy
A documentary about the misunderstood global phenomenon known as breakdancing. The film is framed by the yearly World Cup of breakdancing, the Battle of the Year held in Germany, and first time director Benson Lee follows numerous teams on their way to the competition. Daniel Gethun recommends it, so if you got an itch that can only be scratched by wicked breakdancing, scratch away.

Recommended if you liked Raze, Strictly Ballroom, or Spellbound.

Mister Foe
A voyeuristic Jamie Bell (most recently Hayden Christensen’s bosom buddy in Jumper) hopscotches across the rooftops of Edinburgh, playing a paradoxically sweet peeping Tom. The product description calls it “a darkly twisted, entertaining work of magical realism”, whatever that means. I like Jamie Bell, so if I wander across a free copy of this, I’m sure I’ll watch it.

Recommended if you liked Igby Goes Down, American Beauty, or Peeping Tom.

Beer For My Horses –
I still can’t believe I actually reviewed this film, although I tentatively stand by my 3 star rating. Despite the film’s obvious direct-to-DVD trappings, Toby Keith’s self-deprecating demeanor salvages the film, if just barely, and the film’s insistence on placing it’s low-rent characters in positively absurd situations helps, if only for the WTF factor.

Recommended if you dream of owning an enormous pickup with wheels that could crush a tank and sweet lightning bolts painted down the side. No offense if that is your dream, just sayin’ that if it is, this is your film.