Huang Lu in Li Yang's "Blind Mountain".

I know, I know, it’s been awhile. I won’t make excuses (ok, I will, a 3000 mile roadtrip over the course of 2 1/2 weeks with 2 small children, 45 total hours in the car, and 5 separate family groups – I am exhausted). But, I’m back in the saddle. Muchos gracias to Luke for keeping the car running in my absence.

It’s a big week for big releases, but they all – for the most part – suck big wind.

Blind Mountain
Which is why my #1 pick is a film I’ve never even heard of. I don’t know anything about this other than what I read in the synopsis when I was stumbling through Amazon’s releases, but it sounds fascinating. Set amidst China’s breathtaking countryside, a young girl goes on what she believes to be an herb hunting expedition and wakes up the slave/wife of another man. Critical accolades appear to abound, and after Up the Yangtze I am freshly interested in all things Chinese.

Recommended if you liked Up the Yangtze, Still Life, or The Children of Huang Shi.

Pineapple Express –
The one marquee busting release this week that is, perhaps, worth some of your time. Seth Rogan plays the exact same character he’s always played and, barring an act of God, will always play, but James Franco does a career about-face as the stoner to end all stoners, and Danny McBride continues to launch his rising star ever higher as an accident prone but seemingly invincible drug dealer. There are laughs to be had, although I thought it was a bit of the Apatow machine’s same-old-same-old.

Recommended if you flock to anything with Judd Apatow’s name on it like pre-teen girls flock to the Jonas Brothers.

The Grocer’s Son
Another release from Film Movement, this small, contemplative film set in the French countryside. A self-obsessed bachelor returns home after his father suffers a heartattack and goes about the business of running his family’s mobile grocery mart. Family drama and romantic travails ensue, of course, and bits of light comedy are sprinkled throughout. Daniel Getahun had 300 thoughtful words to say about it, so I’m intrigued.

Recommended if you liked Chop Shop, Fraulein, or Bottle Shock.

Ping Pong Playa
A sports comedy that pokes fun at Chinese-American sterotypes and throws in a dollop of hip-hop for good measure? Whaaaaaa? I don’t like sports comedies, nor do I like hip-hop, but that combination of disparate elements is hard to ignore. Could be gold, could be coal, but at the very least, it’s sure to be different.

Recommended if you wished Balls of Fury had been real and, uh, less sucky.

The Wackness –
This one rubs me in all the wrong spots. It, apparently, rubbed Luke the wrong way too. An unbearably “hip” coming of age story starring one of those Disney Channel kids (or is it Nickelodeon? Could Nick Nolte beat Gary Busey in a fistfight, or would their combined insanity end the universe as we know it? Does any of this matter?), it also features Ben Kinglsey slumming it and Mary-Kate Olsen as a love interest (or is it Ashley? Sigh. Here we go again). Not my cup of Java.

Recommended if you think Ben Kingsley smooching Mary-Kate is, uh, awesome.

Righteous Kill
Two of the greatest actors of our time on screen simultaneously! Playing the exact same characters they almost always play! See if you can spot the differences between them! Look at how exciting the script is! Glory in the not-at-all-generic storyline we’ve seen a gajillion times before!

Recommended if Gigli just isn’t doing it for you anymore.

Bangkok Dangerous
Nic Cage, call Tom Hanks from The Da Vinci Code – he wants his hair back. This film-thingy here is a remake of a ‘99 Thai action flick. The same brothers who directed the original return to direct….this. What, exactly, posesses someone(s) to remake their own film? (Michael Haneke did it, but that’s just because he’s a sadist) Especially since the most interesting thing in the original – that the hitman was both deaf and mute – has been neutered out of this one (Mr. Cage was worried that his chances of Oscar gold would be hurt if he didn’t have any lines of dialogue).

Recommended if you’ve liked Nicholas Cage in anything recently.

Babylon A.D.
The most interesting thing about this one is that the director, Mathieu Kassovitz, disowned the film before it even came out. How’s that for a seal of recommendation? Vin Diesel stars as some dude who has to save some girl who may or may not be the messiah of humanity in a grungy post-apocalyptic future that no one has done well since Ridley Scott invented the look in Alien and Blade Runner. Sounds like a winner.

Recommended if you shed quiet tears of pain when you found out Vin Diesel was going to be replaced by Ice Cube in the sequel to XXX.

Bin of Shame
Disaster Movie