Hey, movies are coming out! Today! Maybe some you haven’t seen! IT IS TEH AWESOMZ!

RockNRolla –
Guy Ritchie makes his big “comeback” with a film virtually indistinguishable from his earlier “successes.” Ok, despite my liberal use of “quotes,” I have a certain affinity for the dude’s one-note ultra-hip British gangster concoctions. They’re simple, for sure, and date themselves as soon as they hit theaters (I can only imagine how poorly Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels has held up), but in the guilty pleasure sense, they’re unrivaled.

Recommended if Ritchie’s one-trick pony hasn’t been flogged to death yet for you.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona –
Woody Allen, the poster boy for overachieving filmmakers, churns out his best work in years (apart from Match Point, which I love – haters can take a trip). I was more enamored with the scenery and the production design than the characters themselves, which are typical self-involved Allen creations, but the performances are top notch even if the scenario is a bit far fetched. Rebecca Hall (Vicky) and Scarlett Johannson (Cristina) run into Javier Bardem (Juan) and Penelope Cruz (Maria Elena) and fireworks and 3-ways ensue, although not necessarily in that order.

Recommended if you either 1) adore Mr. Allen or 2) compulsively watch the Travel Channel.

Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
A doc profiling the life and times of embattled director Roman Polanski (responsible for such classics as Rosemary’s Baby and Chinatown) who fled the country in the mid seventies amidst allegations of statutory rape. He hasn’t been back since (although that didn’t stop him from winning an Oscar for The Pianist). This film profiles the case and apparently brings legal indiscretions to light. In fact, things are still ongoing, as Polanski wants to return to the country and the Los Angeles D.A. still wants to prosecute.

Recommended if you liked The Thin Blue Line or Capturing the Friedmans.

Lakeview Terrace
Samuel L. Jackson plays a cop who terrorizes an interracial couple next door because he’s, you know, prejudiced. This one received middling reviews, so if Samuel L. screaming at some white dude (played by Patrick Wilson who is, actually, quite good) is up your alley, then by all means bowl away.

Recommended if you thought Snakes on a Plane needed more, you know, domestic racial undertones.

The Rocker
The Office’s Rain Wilson attempts to kick start his film career with this kick-em-in-the-nuts comedy. And when I say “kick-em-in-the-nuts comedy,” I mean it literally. The ad campaign for this one focused solely on Wilson’s character being smacked in the crown jewels with various heavy objects. Oh, in case you wanted to know what the film was actually about, Wilson plays a washed up drummer who gets a second shot with his nephew’s garage band. There. Enjoy.

Recommended if Andy and Dwight’s showdown on The Office didn’t have enough cojones cracking for you.

Fireproof
Inspirational Christian film about a firefighter who has to reach deep inside for the strength to save his marriage. I actually personally know some of the people who worked on this, so I’m gonna go easy on it, but suffice to say, “Not my bag, baby.”

Recommended if you think Facing the Giants is the best movie of all time.

Pride & Glory
Haven’t I seen this movie before? Like, 30 times before? Ed Norton and Colin Farrel play brothers in blue. One is corrupt, one isn’t, blah blah blah. It probably comes with a tagline like, “The thickest blood is blue” or some such cliched nonsense. Ok, I just checked IMDB…the official tagline is, “The last thing you want to uncover…is the truth.” Yup, pretty awful.

Recommended if you’ve never seen We Own the Night, Training Day, Dark Blue, Narc, etc. etc. etc.

Bin of Shame
College

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