Sometimes an actor just needs to eat. Not every role can be Oscar bait and not every performance can be “bold,” “defining,” or even “passable.” We understand that at MovieZeal, we really do. However, sometimes it would have just been better to starve, as these misguided choices so painfully illustrate. Undoubtedly we’ve missed a few choice ones, so be sure to sound off in the comments.

10. Ben Kingsley in The Love Guru
1982: Ben Kingsley wins an Oscar for his portrayal of The Mahatma in Richard Attenborough’s Gandhi. Flash-forward 26 years to The Love Guru to witness Kingsley play a dirty-minded sex guru giving advice to a digitally young Mike Myers. Perhaps even more disturbing than merely seeing him on the screen is witnessing how much he actually gets into the part. You’d actually think Sir. Kingsley enjoys making a mockery of the culture he venerated in his Oscar winning role with infantile sex gags and fart noises. Ahh, but the Americans will laugh; perhaps that’s all that matters.

Paycheck, please.

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What better way to ice the cake that has been the Coen Brothers month here at MovieZeal than with a top 10 list of their most memorable scenes? Obviously, the challenge becomes which scenes to include, as the Coens have created nothing if not distinctly memorable characters and scenarios. Some films were easy exclusions (The Ladykillers) while some threatened to take over the entire list (Raising Arizona). After much furious and heated debate amongst ourselves (okay, I exaggerate a tad there), we’ve compiled a list that represents the most iconic images and unforgettable setups from their eclectic canon. Though none of you will likely disagree with the choices we’ve made, many may take umbrage with the scenes that are missing. Top 10 lists are nothing if not easy to disagree with, so let fly in the comments section!

10. Showdown With the Nihilists from The Big Lebowski
Every twisted, convoluted story needs a bizarre, confusing ending (just ask Raymond Chandler, who served as much of the inspiration for this film). On this, The Big Lebowski delivers. This is the scene that left every (sober) person in the audience scratching their heads once and for all. There’s not a lot to be said about this one…just watch it and be amazed.

Most Memorable Line: “No Donny, these men are nihilists. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

Fun Fact: Gratuitous ear biting was invented just a year prior to this, by boxer Mike Tyson.

NOTE: The following clip has a lot of naughty language. Certainly NSFW, and certainly not good for the kiddies.

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Here at MovieZeal we recognize the entertainment value of the Top Ten list, even as the film aficionados within us recoil at the sell-out mentality it takes to write one. Can the glory of film ever be reduced to a simple Top 10? In this case, yes, yes it can. Welcome to the inaugural MovieZeal Top Ten list. Peruse, make suggestions in the comments, tell us where we’re wrong, and bask in the wonder that is irresistibly craptacular film. We’ve included YouTube clips when possible, for your own personal edification.

10. Jingle All the Way
Okay. We admit it. The only actor worse than Arnold Schwarzenegger is probably Jake Lloyd, and this film has both of them. And yeah, the pacing’s all off, and the ending is just ridiculous and kind of stupid. But this film has something no other Christmas movie does: honesty. Isn’t everyone sick of Christmas movies like Elf and Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas that pretend to be all about family values and anti-consumerism, but really just exist to take away the paychecks of gullible, suburban parents? At least this one admits it: Christmas is a big, commercial sham, and you, the audience, just fell for it. Again.
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