Ponyo, the latest anime feature film from academy award winning writer/director Hayao Miyazaki, is a heart-warming tale of childhood and love set in a peculiar tragic landscape.

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Alexis Bledel seems determined to become the female Michael Cera. If you don’t know what I mean, consider the similarities: both are young actors that play the same character over and over again; both established their character on television comedies that were vaguely ahead of their time; and most importantly, there’s no real difference between their respective personas. You know the persona I’m talking about: the overly earnest smart kid who’s far too much of a doormat for his/her good. Cera played the character fist in Arrested Development, and has kept doing it in Juno, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist and Year One; Bledel did it with Gilmore Girls, then The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, and — yes — even Sin City; now she does the same thing in Post Grad.

The problem with the character in question is that he/she is simply a straight man (or straight woman, I guess) — the lone sane character whose job it is to react to a crazy world — and a straight man is only as funny as the action around him (or her). Imagine if Zeppo Marx had tried to embark on a solo career, and you’ll see the potential for problems here.
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It’s a cliché, and it’s obvious, and any hack film professor could tell you this, but I guess it has to be said: the alien movies we create are always products of their time. Or, at least, the good ones are. The space aliens on the screen are always stand-ins for terrestrial aliens — whatever sort might haunt our dreams at the moment.
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Okay, so I missed the DVD releases post. Ran out of time. Sorry. I guarantee you, though, that there was nothing you care about. On the theatrical front, however, you have some very good choices this week. Intrigued? Me too. You’ll find them below, as always, ranked by how much I care…

Ponyo
This is the latest one from noted anime auteur Hayao Miyazaki, the man behind Princess Mononoke, Castle in the Sky, and the totally-Oscar-winning Spirted Away. This one’s about a fish that wants to be a human, and…um…yeah. Okay, don’t look at me that way. His movies are always a little (or a lot) “out there,” but they’re also always incredible. You want original, imaginative movies? Here you go. Everyone else can go see G.I. Joe, I guess.

See it if you liked Pinnochio, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, or The Little Mermaid

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard
A madcap comedy about an overzealous used car salesman. What else can I say about this movie? Well…t’s from those guys who brought you those Will Ferrell movies that are exactly like all those other Will Ferrell movies. Also, it doesn’t have Will Ferrell in it. Also, it doesn’t have anyone particularly famous in it. Also, the trailer makes it look way funnier than it deserves to be. Also, I’ll probably go. Also, I’ll probably hate myself for going. The end.

See it if you like Will Ferrell movies but think they just have too much Will Ferrell in them.

District 9
Director Neil Blomkamp (3,000 Miles to Graceland) and producer Peter Jackson (a little trilogy called The Lord of the Rings) bring you a different kind of alien movie. This time, the aliens aren’t invaders; they’re refugees. I saw an advance screening of this one, and I loved it, but it’s definitely not for everyone. It’s brutal, depressing, and deadly serious. It’s also probably one of the most important films to come out this year. See it if you want to think a little bit…but don’t expect the usual popcorn fun.

See it if you think Will Smith is a jerk for punching that alien in the face in Independence Day.

Bandslam
Okay, now we’re getting into the stuff that’s more likely to be crap. This one combines a couple of guilty pleasures of mine: the production company Walden Media (City of Ember FTW!) and one of the stars from High School Musical (Vanessa Hudgens, for anyone who actually cares), but the idea of a rock-band-themed tweenybopper movie still kind of makes my skin crawl. And I know that if my skin is crawling, most of you are probably running screaming from the room.

See it if you liked Josie and the Pussycats or Camp Rock

The Time Traveler’s Wife
Okay, I have no idea about this one. It could be a great film, for all I know (it’s not). But, really? A guy who’s doomed forever to spontaneously travel through time finds love anyway? Didn’t that already happen when the guy from Quantum Leap accidentally got zapped into the Lifetime Network, or something? Also, look at that poster. Is the guy who designed it colorblind?

…Sorry, it’s Friday afternoon and I’m cranky. I’m sure this is a very lovely film. You go, Eric Bana!

See it if you liked Amy Tan’s novel The Kitchen God’s Wife, but thought, “Gee, this needs less Julia Child and more H.G. Wells.”

The last of the big summer movies has arrived. The Joes are here and waiting to blow stuff up and I’m all for it. G.I. Joe is one of those movies that doesn’t ask much of you. It presents you with over-the-top mad scientist villains, butt-kicking babes in skin-tight outfits, ninjas, enough cool hardware to make Inspector Gadget blush, explosions…and Marlon Wayans.
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A personal note about myself: I spent a year and a half of my life as a full vegetarian. I don’t like talking about it, for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that every time I mentioned it, someone would immediately demand to know “Why!?” Everyone had different reasons for asking: sometimes they were genuinely curious and wanted to get to know me better; sometimes they were eighth-generation beef-farming Republicans who felt the need to refute every opinion I had; sometimes they were crazy hippies eagerly hoping that I would join whatever flavor-of-the-month protest they were planning. But regardless, it was a question I quickly tired of answering. I shouldn’t have to justify my personal choices to everyone I meet on the street.
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Well kids, G.I. Joe this week. It’s directed by Stephen Sommers (y’know, the auteur behind Van Helsing), and Paramount has decided not to screen it in advance for critics (pretty much a tacit admission that it sucks), but it’ll still make millions and millions of dollars. Still, I have to recommend either of the other two films on this list. As always, though, the choice is yours…

Julie & Julia
Allegedly the first movie ever based on a blog, this one follows the adventures of blogger Julie Powell as she attempts to cook all 524 recipes from Julia Child’s book Mastering the Art of French Cooking in a year. Reasons I care: (1) It’s written and directed by Nora Ephron, creator of You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle and When Harry Met Sally. (2) Julia Child pretty much taught me how to cook. Well, her books did. That woman is amazing.

See it if you liked No Reservations or Ratatouille

A Perfect Getaway
Hmmm…bunch of young, attractive people get lost in the wilderness and are stalked by something that wants them dead. Clever premise…I wish I’d thought of it.

See it if you liked The Ruins or Pitch Black

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Fun fact: prior to the extensive deregulation of television under the Reagan administration, children’s shows with toy tie-ins were banned. Why? Because kids are unable to understand things like the nature of money and the persuasive intention of commercials. In other words, creating a cartoon just to convince them to buy a toy is basically a poor man’s form of mind control. Anyway, Gen-X (and early Gen-Y)  grew up with the first round of toy-selling cartoons — and now look at them. Not only did they buy all kinds of plastic crap they didn’t need in the 1980’s; they’re still spending money to see embarrassing garbage like this and Michael Bay’s Transformers series, just because they’re tied into cartoons they used to like! Congratulations, evil corporations, you win!

See it if your favorite genre of movies is OMG GUYS SHOOTING EACH OTHER AND BLOWING STUFF UP11111

(Originally posted at Cinexcellence)

The Way We Get By is a fantastic documentary by writer/director Aron Gaudet. It is about three older people and what they’ve gone through in the last five years as the self-appointed welcoming committee for American troops as they return to native soil. The film is predominately set in the Bangor Airport in Bangor, Maine, and the homes of the welcomers.

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So, I was talking to a friend, and he goes, “Have you seen the trailer for the new Tron movie?”

And I was all like, “What?”

And he was all like, “Huh?”

But yeah…he wasn’t making stuff up. Twenty-seven years after the first Tron film — the one that introduced the entire Pac-Man Generation to heavy-handed Christian allegory — we’re getting a sequel. Honestly, I’m not sure how to feel. The original Tron – while it certainly had its detractors — was a tour de force of visual pizzazz. It was light on story and heavy on flash; in other words, it was perfect for what it was. How could you possibly improve on it or build on it in any meaningful way?

It was also light on CGI. And yes, I admit that that stuff has its place, but it’s become something of a crutch to Hollywood in the last decade or so (dull storyline? add some CGI robot fights!). And I’m sorry to say that this particular trailer is filled with mediocre computer graphics. Maybe they’ll look better on the big screen; and they’ll certainly be more impressive in IMAX 3-D (!!!)…but really, when it’s no challenge whatsoever to make your movie look like it’s taking place inside a computer, what’s the point?

Then again, Tron was pretty much the awesomest thing ever, and I definitely won’t miss the sequel. Hmmm…I’m torn. Watch the video and tell me what you think.

HD goodness available here!

It’s President Obama’s brithday (seriously), and the DVD-publishing community has decided to celebrate with these fine offerings…*

*Offerings may or may not be fine. Details subject to change.

August
Well, I hope it’s better than August Rush.  Other than that, I really know nothing about it except that it’s about a couple of dot-com entrepreneurs struggling to survive directly after the September 11th attacks. The reviews weren’t great, but the subject matter is intriguing to me, and it’s certainly relevant (and is arguably getting more relevant every day).

See it if you’re into things that may or may not be relevant.

Mutant Chronicles
Hmmm…a movie based on a fantasy role-playing game? How could I refuse, after Dungeons and Dragons?! Okay, let me be honest: there’s nothing remotely interesting to me coming out this week, but a godawful adventure through an alien-infested steampunk world sounds more tolerable than most of this other stuff.

See it if you spend all your time polishing your +3 two-handed broadsword.

Labor Pains
Wow, Ms. Lohan, how you have fallen. I don’t think anyone dug Mean Girls more than I did, and you were probably one of the better things about it. If you had kept hanging around Tina Fey, you could have been relevant — but you had to go and get your degree from the Paris Hilton School of How to Be a Celebrity (And Do Other Stuff Idiotically Too). Now look at you. Made-for-ABC-Family-Channel movies about lying to your boss about being pregnant? Lindsey, even you could do better than this.

See it if you liked Baby Mama or Miss Conception
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