It’s midnight and I’m in the living room of a small suburban house. The TV is chattering away in the background, casting a harsh, bluish glow over a middle-aged couple that I’ve never seen before. They’re on the couch, unmoving, and the woman’s head is cocked at an odd angle. I glance down at the cool, heavy object resting in my palm – a 9mm Smith & Wesson – before I hear the voice behind me, annoyed, frustrated, and cold-blooded: “You picked the wrong house again, Aarons.” I turn slightly and see one of the most eccentric-looking men I’ve ever laid eyes on. At 6’4” and a hair shy of 140 lbs., Doug Jones resembles nothing more than one of Tolkien’s tree-like Ents made flesh and blood. He grins, but it isn’t an I’m-so-happy-to-see-you grin: he’s holding a gun to my head.
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I haven't seen this movie since I was about ten, but I assume it's even worse than I remember it.

That’s right, kids. We’re back. We’re totally back. We’re awesomely back. We’re nine kinds of back. We’re bringing sexy…ah, never mind.

Evan is currently off somewhere, chasing a midlife crisis making a film (check it all out here), so I’m going to be your host from here on out. That being said, Evan, Phillip, and I are all returning to the MZ writing desk, along with new writers Joseph Demme and Steve C. King (and the always-mysterious Ghost Lyon). We have all sorts of awesomeness planned, including…

• Evan’s candid interview with actor Doug Jones of Hellboy and Pan’s Labyrinth
• Four — count ‘em! — four episodes of our venerable podcast
• Heather Hall’s new column The Fanboyologist
• 80’s Action Flick Month August
• Regular Top-Ten lists
• All the reviews you love, all the hipster posturing you hate, and even more gratuitous references to The Rundown, Speed Racer and High School Musical!

It all starts with Evan’s interview, which will be up in just a few hours. Keep watching the skies!

-L.