How’s everybody’s summer going? Mine is flying by…seems like just yesterday, I was lining up for Star Trek (which, so far, has been pretty much the only blockbuster worth getting at all excited about, am I right?). Anyway, this week you have a couple of bad choices and one pretty good one. Choose wisely, grasshopper.

Funny People
Director/Producer Who Makes the Same Movie Over and Over Again, meet Actor/Producer Who Makes the Same Movie Over and Over Again. Okay, no one has a bigger love/hate relationship with Judd Apatow and Adam Sandler than myself. Most of the time they annoy me, but occasionally they make something incredible (Freaks and Geeks and Punch Drunk Love being good examples). Anyway, the trailers for this look pretty funny, and it’s just possible that working together may be the change-up they each need to make something new and awesome. Besides, who doesn’t want to see Adam Sandler on screen with Seth Rogen? Wow, a lot of hands went up. Um…my mistake.

See it if you don’t have time to watch both Funny Girl and Ordinary People

Aliens in the Attic
Of course, this one is the sort of “family” film that makes most people’s skin crawl: B-list cast + hackneyed premise that’s completely explained in the title (see also: Hotel for Dogs, The Indian in the Cupboard). I had more-or-less no desire to see it, but then I noticed it has Ashley Tisdale in it. Say what you will, but she was always one of the best things about the High School Musical franchise. So, if nothing else, there’s that.

See it if you just can’t wait for Spielberg to reboot the  E.T. and Gremlins franchises

The Collector
I assume The Collector is like The Bone Collector, except a little less picky about what he collects? Okay, I know nothing about this movie…let me look it up on ye olde Wikipedia…wait, what? Seriously, this is straight from the article: “the script was originally intended to be a Saw prequel, but the producers did not want to do a prequel.” Okay, now I’m really confused — someone didn’t want to make another Saw movie? Sorry, you lost me. I just…um…I have no idea what to think about that. I’m done.

See it if you just can’t get enough Saw movies that aren’t actually Saw movies (see also: Hostel)

Sacha Baron Cohen. The Man, the myth, the legend. I seriously hold this man in very high and low regard for the things he’s done and has yet to do to cinema. In his new movie Bruno, he’s a homosexual German fashion designer trying to get a new start…let’s see how that goes…
Continue Reading »

Well guys, another week, another crop of DVDs. As always, the ones I’m most interested in are on top…

The Union: The Business Behind Getting High
From what I hear, this Canadian doc takes a long, hard look at the entire industry set up around the illegal sale of marijuana, and then discusses the overall effects of its prohibition. Its only theatrical release was at film festivals, but it won the usual awards, and I’m definitely intrigued to learn more about the much-maligned cannabis plant. The recent spate of mafia wars in Mexico should have (I hope) reminded us that the criminalization of the drug affects us all — not just the potheads out there.

See it if you liked The Corporation, Super High Me or probably any Cheech and Chong movie

An American Affair
Okay, this one got terrible reviews, but I’m still intrigued. Apparently, it’s a drama about JFK and his various — *ahem* — exploits. Gretchen Mol is rumored to give a pretty good performance in this one, and there’s intrigue, sex and mystery, and — what can I say? — it’s set in the 60’s, and I’m a sucker for that era. Sign me up.

See it if you liked The American President or JFK

Acolytes
I hadn’t heard of this one at all before researching this post, and the title is so generic that I’m not even sure if I have the right poster to the left there. Whatever. It’s an Australian horror flick about some kids who run afoul of a serial killer. I know, original, right? But it’s sitting at an 83% at Rotten Tomatoes…which is nothing to sneeze at, for a horror film.

See it if you like either (1) Australians or (2) serial killers
Continue Reading »

It’s not difficult to imagine that if Moon had been a Hollywood production, it would have been a very, very different film. It’s “science fiction” in the traditional sense — i.e., it’s fiction about science. You won’t see any giant robots, any cities getting leveled, or even any CGI to speak of. What you will see is a haunting meditation on identity, technology, overpopulation, mankind, and the economic engine that drives all of us — and its devastating consequences to the individual.
Continue Reading »

It’s testament to the power of a film when the week it comes out, nothing else does — and then, the following week, nothing worth seeing does. Harry Potter #6 clearly is a powerful film. Can anyone think of another franchise that lasted for six films and could still bring in blockbuster-sized crowds? (Hint: not Police Academy.) Anyway, this week, the studios are obviously schluffing off the movies that no one wants to see, in hopes that either (a) no one will notice, or (b) people will come to the theater to see Harry Potter, see that it’s sold out, and settle for one of these.

But if you’re determined to take in a new film this week, here are your choices…

The Ugly Truth
Yet another generic romantic comedy about a career-obsessed woman who needs a man? Ugh, how little enthusiasm can I come up with for this one? The fact that it makes my top spot tells you something about your other choices, I guess. Whatever.

See it if you liked How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days or What Happens in Vegas

Orphan
Yet another generic horror flick about a creepy kid that’s deeply offensive to the people trying to make the world a better place by promoting adoption? Once again, ugh. At least the poster’s kind of creepy without seeming overly cliche. Then again, if they’re consciously trying to ride the coattails of Guillermo del Toro’s The Orphanage with that title…bleh.

See it if you can’t wait for the next remake of The Omen

G-force
Yet another family comedy with talking CGI animals and would-have-been-hip-six-months-ago dialogue? Say it with me now: Ugh. At least Jerry Bruckheimer and Disney are still getting along…mainly for the same reason that Bill Gates and Warren Buffett get along, if you follow me. You all know I’m not a Harry Potter fan, so listen carefully: If your kids beg to go to a movie this weekend, take them to Potter. Please.

See it if you liked Cats and Dogs or Spy Kids

Originally posted at Cinexcellence.

Watchmen, Zack Snyder’s adaptation of the much-loved graphic novel of the same name, was released theatrically on Friday. Having not read the graphic novel, all I knew about the film going in was what I saw in the previews.

Continue Reading »

Originally posted at Cinexcellence.

Starting with teachers at a high school in Paris introducing themselves before the school year begins, director Laurent Cantet sets the mood and setting for the rest of the film. The Class rarely steps outside of the building, showing us what happens within the confines of the classroom.
Continue Reading »

Gotta tell you guys…I’m probably not the sort who should be editing a movie blog. If I can’t rant about what I think of a movie on the Internet, I kind of stop caring about it. And since most of these movies came out while MZ was dormant, I really didn’t bother reading up on them, or even seeing them. In other words, I know nothing about most of these, and I’m not about to lift a finger to learn about them, since I can’t imagine Adventureland is worth thorough research. But I’ve decided to make proverbial lemonade: It’s MAD LIB WEEK here at MovieZeal!

Remember Mad Libs? The best fill-in-the-blank word game ever!? Well, I combed the Internet and found a suitable one. I’ll be changing it ever-so-slightly to make it fit all of the following new releases:

The [ADJECTIVE] [NAME] and the always [ADJ.] [NAME] reunite after [NUMBER] years. This time, the [ADJ.]  [PLURAL NOUN] are [GERUND] the [PLURAL NOUN], a [NOUN] that leads them on a [ADJ.] chase from [PLACE] to [PLACE]. A [NOUN] for the whole [NOUN]!

Ready? Go!

Coraline –
The UBIQUITOUS DAKOTA FANNING and the always OMG SO GOTHZ HENRY SELICK reunite after INFINITY? years. This time, the CREEPY CLAY MODELS are ROCKING the 3-D, a TREND that leads them on a KID-FRIENDLY chase from REALITY to THE NIGHTMARE REALM. A FRIGHTFEST for the whole FAMILY!

See it if you’re at all interested in animation, children’s literature, or kiddie horror

The Soloist –
The NO-LONGER DRUG-ADDLED ROBERT DOWNEY, JR. and the always VERSATILE, IN A GOOD WAY JAMIE FOXX reunite after A MILLION? years. This time the DUO are PLAYING the BEETHOVEN, an ARTISTIC ENDEAVOR that leads them on an OH-SO-DRAMATIC chase from THE STREETS OF NYC to CARNEGIE. A DRAMA for the whole DOWNEY-LOVING CROWD!

See it if you’re not sick of seeing Jamie Foxx play music or Robert Downey, Jr. be awesome

The Class -
The FRENCH LAURENT CANTET and the always FRENCH FRANCOIS BEGAUDEAU reunite after GOD ONLY KNOWS years. This time the FRENCH DUDES are ADAPTING the NOVEL, a TRIED-AND-TRUE FORMULA that leads them on an ARTHOUSE-Y chase from SOME CLASSROOM to THEIR INNER PSYCHES. A PIECE OF CINEMA VERITE for the whole TURTLENECK-WEARING SET!

See it if your tastes tend to align with those of the critical establishment.
Continue Reading »

Kiddie horror films are a comparative rarity. In practice, this makes pretty good sense: after all, the MPAA has gotten pretty stingy with those all-important G and PG ratings in the last couple of decades, and more often than not, the sort of terror (and often straight-up violence) that the genre demands is enough to get a movie slapped with a PG-13, at the very least. In theory, though, it’s a little absurd: every other major genre is well represented in children’s and family films, and one would think that kids need to learn to deal with their fear at least as much as adults do. Most parents wouldn’t sit their three-year-olds down in front of A Nightmare on Elm Street, but it’s also hard to imagine the world of family entertainment without Cruella de Vil or the Wicked Witch of the West.
Continue Reading »

An earlier form of this review was originally posted at Wonders in the Dark.

The first five minutes of director Mark Webb’s (500) Days of Summer, a concise and entertaining treatise on young love, are immediately transporting.  There is a narrator, there are attractive (but not fake looking) leading characters, the music is zippy, and Webb introduces his leading players as if they were walking in a narrative music video.  It’s a beautiful amalgamation that can’t help but prompt an ear-to-ear smile.   (500) Days’ narrator has booming voice with commanding presence.  The story gets even more interesting directly following this masterful introduction when he makes the audience a promise: “This is not a love story.”

So, in the spirit of the film, I’ll put an embargo on the word “love” from here on out. It’s just one of the ways this story is atypical – a boy-meets-girl story the likes of which we haven’t seen before and one that is completely necessary in order to publicly state the romantic inclinations of millions of postmodern 20-somethings.
Continue Reading »

You can’t kill the metal. Metal will live on.

– Tenacious D

Anvil!: The Story of Anvil opens with a bit of on-screen text that’s every bit as subtle as the first few bars of Sabbath’s “Iron Man”: “In the summer of 1984, Anvil toured the world with the biggest bands in rock: Scorpions, Bon Jovi, Whitesnake. All of them went on to sell millions of records around the world. All of them, except one.”
Continue Reading »

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Try as I might, I just can’t understand the big deal about the Harry Potter franchise. I know I’m in the minority, but to me it was always just an uncomfortable amalgam of “epic” and “cutesy” that never really clicked — basically The Flintstones with wizards instead of cavemen. But I also know that I’m totally wrong on this, and that you’ll go see this one anyway, so godspeed you, Muggle. Also note that the release date is Wednesday, not Friday — so put on that ridiculous robe and line up for the midnight showing tonight, lest you end up looking foolish.

See it if you think J.K. Rowling deserves another hundred million. (I mean, really. Her children need caviar, after all.)

It’s a good week to be a horror fan. There are really only two major releases, and both of them are horror. So…there you have it.

[REC]
The original Spanish version of that horror movie called Quarantine. I didn’t see Quarantine, but I did see [REC], and while I wasn’t blown away, it was a very well-made horror film that managed to maintain its tension despite a complete lack of new ideas. This one falls into the “found footage” category, like The Blair Witch Project, Diary of the Dead, Cloverfield, etc., etc., and it tells the story of a virus that turns people into bloodthirsty zombies. See what I mean? No new ideas. But if you’re looking for a good horror film, this is it — and these days, that’s saying something.

See it if you liked any of the movies I mention above.

Welcome to Macintosh
Your non-horror choice for the week, this documentary tells the story of the rise of Apple Computer. It’s a story that’s been told to death (Pirates of Silicon Valley is still worth seeing, by the way, even if it’s a bit cheesy and dated), but who knows? This picture could still have something interesting to say — even if the filmmakers did fail to interview either founding Steve (Jobs or Wozniak). I can’t find a review anywhere, but it could be worth a look. Possibly.

See it if you’re one of those obnoxious people who are always whipping their iPhones out in order to reinforce their hipster cred

The Haunting in Connecticut
Um…wow. Where do I start with this one? Which well-deserved witty barb should I fling at it first? Here, take your pick: (1) You know it’s a horror film because it has “The Haunting” in the title!!! (2) It’s a shame that non-horror films haven’t yet discovered the joy of pairing gerunds with definite articles. (3) If Jesus had known that the image of a crucifixion would be exploited out the wazoo in order to sell tickets to terrible horror movies, would he have gone through with it? (4) What’s great about that title is the ebb and flow of tension: it’s not just a haunting…it’s IN CONNECTICUT!!! (That’s right, the Nutmeg State!!! You’re terrified now, aren’t you?) (5) The only way to improve that title? Make it The Haunting…in Connecticut…BY GHOSTS!!! …Um, there. I think those about cover it, right? Feel free to add your own in the comments section below.

See it if you honestly don’t consider your time valuable. At all.

A mockumentary about a terrible Christian pop group? This one seems strangely appropriate for the site, since many of our contributors are (or have been) associated with the Christian music industry (not me of course — I’m cool!!!). It started as a series of shorts on FunnyOrDie.com (you can watch them all here) written by longtime Christian music journalist Dan Ewald (interesting interview here), and proved popular enough that he decided to expand it into a feature-length film. Personally, I found the shorts more cringe-inducing than funny (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, mind you), but the film looks extremely promising (see a surprisingly nuanced scene here), and reportedly has previewed to standing ovations both at Christian music festivals and at more “secular” (if you’ll pardon the expression) venues. If nothing else it sports an impressive cast, with alumni of Knocked Up, The Sara Silverman Program, The Office, Saturday Night Live and Curb Your Enthusiasm. (And, of course, it’s good to see that Victoria Jackson can still do things besides thump her Bible on Fox News.)

Anyway, here’s the trailer. I look forward to hearing what people think of it.

Well, I know which movie most of you will be seeing this week. You have a couple other interesting choices, though.

The Hurt Locker
Opening in limited release is this drama about the war(s) in the Middle East, starring Jeremy Renner, Ralph Fiennes, and Evangeline Lily. It premiered at the Venice Film Festival and won all sorts of awards that no one’s ever heard of. Roger Ebert gave it four stars, so it must be pretty good. Definitely worth a look.

See it if you liked Stop-Loss, Three Kings, or Blackhawk Down

I Love You, Beth Cooper
I seriously doubt this one will show up second on anyone else’s list, but I just can’t bring myself to recommend Bruno, no matter how many millions it will make off of the world’s drunken fratboys. This one doesn’t look like a classic, but it does look like a serviceable romantic comedy. Written by Larry Doyle (The Simpsons) and directed by Chris Columbus (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets), it depicts the night together between the valedictorian and most popular girl in school following graduation. It probably won’t get any five-star reviews, but it could turn out to be Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist for those of us who aren’t pretentiously indie.

See it if you have a date. (A shallow one.)

Bruno
I imagine that everyone who’s going to see this one already knows about it. Something of a sequel to Borat, this one features another one of Sacha Baron Cohen’s characters from his comedy series Da Ali G Show (this one a gay fashion designer), traveling across the country and making people look stupid. I personally can’t get behind his schtick (”I out racists and homophobes by being racist and homophobic!”), but I do have to admit that his comedy has its occasional funny moments. See it if you want, but don’t make me listen to you list off every part that makes you laugh. Thanks.

See it if you’re convinced there’s still gold to be mined from the “guerilla comedy” genre

It’s summer, which means that absolutely nothing worth seeing comes out on DVD. Sometimes I think Hollywood does this on purpose, so that you’ll be forced to pay fifteen bucks to see a movie in theaters (y’know, kind of like they make broadcast TV suck on purpose so that you have to pay for cable). Of course, your other option would be to rent something more than a few months old…but we both know you won’t be doing that.

Anyway, this week you get everything below, plus a half dozen horror remakes and an Iron Maiden rockumentary that I won’t waste space on.

Five Fingers
There’s absolutely nothing in the way of information on this one out there…apparently, it’s a film about a jazz pianist who gets kidnapped by Moroccan terrorists and features Laurence Fishburne. It only received a very limited release in theaters, and was virtually ignored by the press. Could be the overlooked classic of the century, could be just a lousy film with lousy publicity. You see it and then let me know.

See it if you just can’t get enough of Hollywood’s take on the War on Terror.
Continue Reading »

We have movies to thank for making us all fat and lazy, but what can we thank for getting us into the movies in the first place? That’s right: the taglines. They’re Hollywood’s way of telling us, “This movie is so simplistic that it can be summed up into a few pithy little words — but it’s still totally worth the ten bucks and the two hours, we promise!” The best taglines are often just as loved as the films themselves — just try to imagine popular culture without phrases like “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water” or “You will believe a man can fly.”

Did you try?

Cool. How’d it go? Not great, right?

Great taglines can make good movies great. They can even turn terrible movies into billion-dollar blockbusters. But then there are those bad days, when the marketing department decides to phone it in, and we end up with taglines like…

10. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

The tagline: Every saga has a beginning.

Why it sucks: Well, let’s be fair here: this one probably seemed like a good idea at the time, given the “legendary” status the franchise held in many people’s hearts. But taken at face value, this one really makes the film seem mundane, inevitable, and inconsequential.

…But the worst part is: The movie actually was mundane, inevitable, and inconsequential. (Then again, maybe this is that “truth in advertising” stuff I keep hearing about.) It seems that with each new piece of Star Wars canon, fans try harder and harder to forget everything that’s been made since Return of the Jedi — and this line will always be there, reminding them just how dang uninspired the series has been since George Lucas started living in a bubble.
Continue Reading »

Charlie Kaufman’s absurdity meets the style of Wes Anderson in this quirky look at humanity and the art of storytelling.

Carrie Preston plays Marian, an author who is struggling with her latest novel about two man-children (No, this is not a Will Ferrel movie) who live together in a landlocked boat in the middle of nowhere, surviving on cereal and milk.

Faced with writer’s block, Marian goes to Preston (Austin Pendelton) for help. Encouraged by her mentor, Marian attempts to off her main character. What she doesn’t realize, however, is that Humkin has other plans in mind, and literally leaps into our world.
Continue Reading »

While I was watching Perfume: The Story of a Murderer one thought kept going through my mind: who in their right mind would have green lit this film? Its art direction, lush production, gorgeous costumes, and A-list cast easily place its budget in the 50-60 million dollar range, so someone expected a significant return. That they thought an audience existed that would turn out in enough numbers to warrant their investment boggles my mind. Perfume has too much Arthouse in it to appeal to the slasher-flick crowd and yet it is too grotesque to appeal to the Independent filmgoer. The equal amounts of beautiful and revolting imagery make Perfume a cinematic paradox, limiting the group of people who would enjoy this film, much less recommend it to their peers, to an indefinable niche. Again, who green lit this film? But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Continue Reading »