Release Dates Jul 15 2008 @ 08:38 am
DVD Releases for July 15th, 2008
So there’s this movie called The Beach Party at the Threshold of Hell that stars Daniel Baldwin (is that B or C grade Baldwin? Or is it D? I can never remember.) coming out today. It also has, oddly enough, the ‘National Lampoon Presents’ qualifier attached to the beginning, although we all know how much that counts for these days. Suffice to say, I will not be mentioning this film below, but I thought I would share with you the kinds of freakshow anomalies I come across while trudging through the back alleys of Amazon’s release lists. See the service I provide for you? See?
The Bank Job - 
I noticed something while looking over my review for The Bank Job (ok, this will be totally tangential to the film itself…it’s a good enough heist flick, definitely worth a rent. Now, with that out of the way…). The wordcount for it is 530. Now, take a look at my recent reviews-Hellboy 2, for instance. It has a wordcount of 1350. Ouch. I’ve obviously gotten a bit more windy in the last 5 months. The question is, is that a good thing or bad? My review for The Bank Job is written well enough, I guess, but it essentially is nothing more than what I like to call an “eloquent recap.” I’m telling you what happened, eloquently enough, but it’s simply a blow-by-blow of the plot and actors, yada yada yada. Pretty dull, in fact. In my piece for Hellboy 2 I actually make a few decent observations about the nature of the film as muse for del Toro rather than a simple comic book adaptation (well, at least I think so). It’s not just a decently written breakdown of the various elements - I’m trying to make broader points that tie into the visual genius of del Toro as a filmmaker.
And no, I’m not having a blogging crisis in which I desperately seek validation from you, my semi-frequent readership. I’m just wondering: which do you prefer? Short and sweet yet slightly monotonous? Or longer, more detailed, and with more (I hope) expansive observations? Or, more simply, have I become a windbag in desperate need of an editor? Sound off in the comments, and remember: be honest.
Recommended if you liked Ocean’s Eleven, The Italian Job, or Ronin
The Year My Parents Went on Vacation
I missed this one when it hit the Circle (our local arthouse) earlier in the year. A incisive look at the waning years of Brazil’s last military dictatorship as seen through the eyes of a child abandoned by his parents searching for a better life, this one looks like it could hit the sweet spot emotionally. It also revolves around football (why do we Americans have to re-brand things -i.e., soccer - with idiotic names all the time?) and the World Cup. Critical reception has been good. Probably worth a look.
Recommended if you liked Cinema Paradisio or Life is Beautiful
Meet Bill
I’m a sucker for Aaron Eckhart, ever since I saw him in the absolutely fabulous Thank You For Smoking (if you haven’t seen it, rent it immediately - it’s the film that Jason Reitman debuted with before directing Juno). I’ve heard little about this one. It appears to be a mid-life crisis comedy of some sort (perhaps a more lighthearted version of About Schmidt?), and has a thrilling supporting cast, which includes Elizabeth Banks, Timothy Olyphant, Jessica Alba, and Kristen Wiig. In lolcat speak, “I haz an intrest.”
Recommended if you liked About Schmidt or wished American Beauty had been, you know, less depressing.
Hit the jump for the stragglers, but you’ve been warned: it’s not pretty.
Penelope
Christina Ricci has the snout of a pig in this movie, making intimacy…uh…difficult. You have to wonder what the pitch meeting for this one was like before it was greenlit. EXEC: “So this girl has the nose of a donkey? A dog? What is it again?” ARTIST: “No, it’s a, uh, pig’s snout.” EXEC: “Why a pig? Why not something sexier, like a llama? Those are sexy, right? Yeah, let’s give her the nose of a llama.” ARTIST: “Well, sir, the pig snout is crucial to the themes of alienation that I’m working with…” EXEC: “Wait, didn’t that other talking pig movie make millions? ‘Babe,’ right? Is this the sequel?” ARTIST: “Uh, no…” EXEC: “Talking pig movies are all the rage these days. Let’s make 6 of them.”
Recommended if you like girls who (literally) look like pigs. Also if you visit www.piggirl.com with any kind of regularity.
Shutter - 
I’m still reminded of a line from James Berardinelli’s review of this film: “For a good clue to the quality level contained herein, take the title of the movie and replace the ‘u’ with an ‘i.’” Also, since Luke generally tends to like the scary flicks, his 1 1/2 star rating is comparable to Chinese bamboo torture, watching a 24 hour Carrot Top marathon, or the bubonic plague.
Recommended if going to the bathroom by yourself is still somewhat terrifying.
Step Up 2 the Streets
Nothing screams high drama like replacing key words in your title with numerals (as previous critical darlings 2 Fast 2 Furious and Cradle 2 the Grave proved). Actually, I’m just going to let the title speak for itself. And the poster. I think that sums it up.
Recommended if sweaty, half naked women bouncing around in the rain appeal to you. In other news, this becomes the number one rental for the week.
on Jul 15 2008 @ 10:08 am 1. Julia Harrington said …
I like lolcats.
on Jul 15 2008 @ 4:03 pm 2. Evan Derrick said …
Thankyou, Julia. I was hoping someone would validate my love of internet memes.
on Jul 15 2008 @ 5:42 pm 3. FDr said …
I prefer long, thoughtful reviews in the Pauline Kael mode, but I wonder how well they fit the blog format and audience.
on Jul 15 2008 @ 8:44 pm 4. Colleeny said …
I think your reviews are WAAAAY to long. I think you should shorten them down to no more that 50 syllables. Then you could change your site name to 50 Syllable Cinema….
on Jul 15 2008 @ 9:19 pm 5. Evan Derrick said …
50 syllables… that sounds like some other site I’ve heard of…hmmmm….
on Jul 15 2008 @ 9:31 pm 6. Luke Harrington said …
I may as well throw in my two cents here…I try to use exactly as many words as it takes to say what I have to say, and no more. I realize that’s a bit of a cop-out, but I think it’s really the key. Essentially, if I have a lot of observations that I think are worthwhile, I say them as concisely as I can, but don’t worry so much about the end length. So a movie that I have a lot to say about, like Diary of the Dead, gets more than a thousand words, whereas a movie like American Gangster (which was well-made, but unremarkable) barely gets four hundred (as Internet critics, we have this freedom, since we don’t have to fit into a certain amount of space). In other words, if you have something to say, say it, but don’t waste people’s time. And if a film does absolutely nothing worth commenting on, you’re more than entitled to just give a plot recap and a thumbs-up or -down. For a point of reference, I thought your Speed Racer review was fantastic, whereas your Hellboy II review started losing me pretty fast, even though it was shorter. The difference? Hellboy was wordier than it deserved to be. You could have said the same thing in five hundred words less.
Especially with the cutthroat competition of the Internet, the key is to tell people something interesting, but get to the point and don’t be wordy where you don’t have to. I realize this is all pretty obvious, but…well, they don’t call me Capt. Obvious for nuthin’.
on Jul 15 2008 @ 10:19 pm 7. Daniel said …
Wow, you weren’t kidding about the selections after the jump.
The Year My Parents is the best of this week, no doubt.
I’m obviously not one to talk about word counts as my “300 Words” are typically closer to 400. Whatever. I think your average reader will prefer short and sweet, but sometimes that just doesn’t fit the bill with what you’re trying to write, as you found out. Unless you’re being held to something I say just write what naturally comes out. If it seems too long, read it over and reconsider. Maybe something could be condensed or removed completely. I’ve found myself doing that more recently - doesn’t mean I remove much, but I’m paying more attention to it.
Some movies just lend themselves to longer reviews and more discussion. Nothing wrong with that.
on Jul 15 2008 @ 11:19 pm 8. Ruth Derrick said …
When in doubt, I like to return to Thomas Jefferson’s words: “The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.” Sometimes that means revising. Often it just means editing.
on Jul 16 2008 @ 12:48 pm 9. Cinexcellence said …
Penelope looks promising. Neat cast at least.
on Jul 16 2008 @ 12:55 pm 10. Evan Derrick said …
Thanks for the thoughts, all. Luke, I agree, my HB2 piece was too long and in need of some serious pruning. And Mom, your TJ quote reminds me of what Pascal once said, “I apologize for the length of my letter. I would have made it shorter, but I didn’t have the time.”
It’s hard to cut something out of your piece that took you 30 minutes to write, but sometimes it just makes everything flow better.
on Jul 16 2008 @ 4:07 pm 11. Craig Kennedy said …
This will sound annoyingly Zen but it’s in line with what Mr. Harrington said: I’m learning to let reviews be as long or short as they need to be. Originally my target was 1000 words. Anything below that was a failure and anything above was a success. It turns out some movies just don’t deserve that much and I used to waste a lot of time trying to make them longer.
Now I just say what I have to say, always trying to keep plot recaps to the barest minimum, and then get out. If it’s less than 400, I’ll pad some, but otherwise anything goes.
Like a movie, an entertaining to read review can never be too long and a boring review can never be too short.
on Jul 18 2008 @ 8:37 pm 12. K. Bowen said …
Maybe this is the newspaper guy in me, but if get too many over 750 words, I start going into a sugar coma. But a review should get as many words as it deserves.
But generally, I think film bloggers too often go on and on unnecessarily. If you aspire to write reviews for a newspaper one day, you have to learn to write intelligently, insightfully, and entertainingly on the shorter side.
The rule of thumb is 30 words = one inch
750 words= 25 inches. That’s around the limit for a standard film review, to my mind.
1350= 45 inches. For a blog that’s fine. For a newspaper review of Mamma Mia, that’s way too long. Although it depends on the paper, I suppose.