I’m leaving tomorrow for a business trip. In West Palm Beach, Florida. Just thought I’d share. I’ve also decided that I’m going to start ordering the DVD releases according to my interest in them, versus ordering them based on how “big” they are. So Meet the Spartans, which is one of the bigger releases this week, goes at the very bottom for reasons that should be obvious to those of you who use your brains on a regular basis. Yikes, this is a rough week for releases. The only film I’m really keen on is the one at the top of the list.

The Onion Movie
Ah, The Onion. Those purveyors of journalistic hilarity that are oh-so-funny and oh-so-wrong at the same time. Apparently this movie was shot in 2003 and shelved for 5 years due to poor test screenings, but if it is anything like the recent Onion news clips that have popped up on YouTube (such as Congress Debates Merits of New Catchphrase or Diet Book Author Advocates New ‘No Food’ Diet), then those test screening audiences are idiots. This is probably the case, as The Onion has been known to hoodwink the IQ-challenged quite frequently with their tongue-rammed-straight-through-the-cheek articles. Well, you need to pronk this one out, and if you don’t, then you’re a pronking pronk.

Recommended if you think the above video clips I linked to are funny. If you don’t, then I shed hot, salty tears of pity for you.

Flawless
Demi Moore and Michael Caine steal stuff! Is it just me, or is this an exact duplicate of Entrapment, right down to the sex appeal of the female lead and the English/Scottish debonairness of the older male interest? The real question is whether Caine dons a skin tight Lycra leotard to scandalously creep under motion detecting lasers, highlighting his tantalizing English rump….wait, am I getting something mixed up here?

Recommended if you liked Entrapment or The Thomas Crown Affair

Machine Girl
This movie kind of blows my mind, although not necessarily in a good way. Part of the V-Cinema movement in Japan (which is basically the more respected doppleganger of our own direct-to-video industry), it involves a school girl who attaches a gatling gun to her arm (a few of you are already buying the DVD based on that line alone). I have to admit I’m intrigued by the trailer for it although I would never admit that in polite company. Chock full of ridiculous violence and illogical plot points, you have to see it to believe it

Recommended if you don’t run screaming from the room after watching Machine Girl’s trailer

Hit the jump for the rest of this week’s releases.
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Steven Spielberg’s films can be frustrating at times. The director is largely responsible for the state of modern Hollywood, with all the good and bad that comes with it. On the one hand, he’s given us hours of fun, imaginative entertainment; on the other, he’s arguably responsible for Hollywood’s overdependence on the Big Summer Blockbuster and the overall dumbing down of cinematic language. Even when he tackles more serious subject matter, like in Saving Private Ryan or Amistad, he still manages to give the impression that he’d rather be playing around with special effects.
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