Release Dates Jun 03 2008 @ 10:29 pm
DVD Releases for June 2nd, 2008
I’m leaving tomorrow for a business trip. In West Palm Beach, Florida. Just thought I’d share. I’ve also decided that I’m going to start ordering the DVD releases according to my interest in them, versus ordering them based on how “big” they are. So Meet the Spartans, which is one of the bigger releases this week, goes at the very bottom for reasons that should be obvious to those of you who use your brains on a regular basis. Yikes, this is a rough week for releases. The only film I’m really keen on is the one at the top of the list.
The Onion Movie
Ah, The Onion. Those purveyors of journalistic hilarity that are oh-so-funny and oh-so-wrong at the same time. Apparently this movie was shot in 2003 and shelved for 5 years due to poor test screenings, but if it is anything like the recent Onion news clips that have popped up on YouTube (such as Congress Debates Merits of New Catchphrase or Diet Book Author Advocates New ‘No Food’ Diet), then those test screening audiences are idiots. This is probably the case, as The Onion has been known to hoodwink the IQ-challenged quite frequently with their tongue-rammed-straight-through-the-cheek articles. Well, you need to pronk this one out, and if you don’t, then you’re a pronking pronk.
Recommended if you think the above video clips I linked to are funny. If you don’t, then I shed hot, salty tears of pity for you.
Flawless
Demi Moore and Michael Caine steal stuff! Is it just me, or is this an exact duplicate of Entrapment, right down to the sex appeal of the female lead and the English/Scottish debonairness of the older male interest? The real question is whether Caine dons a skin tight Lycra leotard to scandalously creep under motion detecting lasers, highlighting his tantalizing English rump….wait, am I getting something mixed up here?
Recommended if you liked Entrapment or The Thomas Crown Affair
Machine Girl
This movie kind of blows my mind, although not necessarily in a good way. Part of the V-Cinema movement in Japan (which is basically the more respected doppleganger of our own direct-to-video industry), it involves a school girl who attaches a gatling gun to her arm (a few of you are already buying the DVD based on that line alone). I have to admit I’m intrigued by the trailer for it although I would never admit that in polite company. Chock full of ridiculous violence and illogical plot points, you have to see it to believe it
Recommended if you don’t run screaming from the room after watching Machine Girl’s trailer
Hit the jump for the rest of this week’s releases.
The Eye
The Japanese English language horror remake bandwagon continues, full bore! Actually, this one originated in Hong Kong, but when it comes to Asian cinema - Japan, Vietnam, Thailand, Korea, Hong Kong - it’s all the same to Hollywood. Why come up with an original idea when you can pay someone else for theirs, slap the flavor-of-the-week starlet onto the poster, and market the living daylights out of it? In case you’re actually interested, it’s about a girl who gets an eye transplant and starts seeing dead stuff. Exciting, no?
Recommended if you liked The Grudge, Shutter, or Dark Water
Semi-Pro
Dear Will,
I kind of like you. You’re generally entertaining and make me laugh most of the time. Even though some people didn’t think Elf was any good, they deserve to be eaten alive by rabid gerbils, as I think it’s one of the greatest Christmas films of all time. I also think you have a promising future as a dramatic actor, as your Stranger Than Fiction performance was surprisingly good. But please, Will, I beg of you, stop watering down your brand. If I have to watch “Will Ferrell as a synchronized swimmer” or “Will Ferrell as a pro wrestler” or “Will Ferrell as a schizophrenic gynecologist” then I’m going to burst a blood vessel. Will Ferrell as a minor league basketball player? The camel is begging you Will, “Please spare my back! PLEASE!”
Your Pal,
Evan
Control
I don’t know anything about Joy Division, although Wikipedia tells me that they were on the forefront of the late ’70s post-punk wave in England, whatever that means. And, as you may have gathered from previous posts by me, musical biopics are the equivalent of Chinese water torture or bamboo shoots under the fingernails, or if I’m feeling particularly cynical the equivalent of being forced to watch unending Paris Hilton films Clockwork Orange style. This one deals with pathos and drugs and unexpected success and suicide (the hallmarks of the genre). It received critical raves, so if you’re feeling the joy, then by all means go for it.
Recommended if you like all the musical biopics that I don’t.
Meet the Spartans
I think the most amazing thing about this film is how any of the participants manage to sleep at night. I know, Hollywood is all about the bling bling, but this would even cause Jerry Springer to hang his head in humiliation. Have they no shame? Have they no shame? But let’s be honest - can any film that combines the talents of Carmen Electra, Method Man, and Kevin Sorbo (you know, the guy who showed up at 2AM on the local WB as Hercules) be all that bad? Does it hurt to stuff an angry badger down your pants? Is Dancing With the Stars the beginning of an American cultural renaissance? Questions for the ages, my friends. Questions for the ages.
Recommended if…really, if you’re going to actually watch this, I feel too bad for you to insult you any more.
on Jun 04 2008 @ 7:33 am 1. Joseph said …
Haha, Machine Girl. I remember the trailer well.
And I’ve been looking forward to Control.
on Jun 04 2008 @ 7:58 am 2. Julia Harrington said …
You’re funny, Evan. Here’s a story: when Luke and I were in Blockbuster this past Saturday, there was a young woman holding a tiny black and white dog (à la Paris Hilton) who was more than a little upset with the poor Blockbuster employee that “The Eye” wasn’t available on DVD yet. She didn’t want to wait a whole 3 more days to view that masterpiece, and that was somehow Blockbuster’s problem. I laughed a little. In my head. Makes you want to work there again, hmm?
on Jun 04 2008 @ 8:27 am 3. Colleen said …
Control was my #1 film of 2007. Loved it to tiny bits. Sam Reily was absolutley brilliant in his protrayal of the late Ian Curtis. Awesome film.
That said, I normaly loath Biopics (especially of musicians), but this stood out from the rest. The Actors were great, the Black & White cinematography was great..it all was great.
Worth seeing at least once.
on Jun 04 2008 @ 9:34 am 4. Luke Harrington said …
Ironically, it was probably showing at one of the second-run theaters…
on Jun 04 2008 @ 10:35 am 5. Daniel said …
This list really begs the question: would it be worth stopping production on half of Hollywood’s movies?
on Jun 04 2008 @ 11:33 am 6. Evan Derrick said …
Ok, Control has been duly noted by me. If you liked it Colleen, but tend to shy away from the biopic flicks, then I might have to dive in.
Joseph, if you actually watch Machine Girl, you’ll have to tell me about it. I don’t think my fragile brain can handle the overload that film would undoubtedly deliver to it.
And Julia, the answer is yes, your story makes me want to work at Blockbuster right this moment! Actually, here’s another similar story. When we were all in Vintage Stock the other day, Luke and I were standing next to a guy who felt obliged to make DVD recommendations to us. He said that Pathfinder (one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time that was slightly redeemed by the laughability of its awfulness) was “not too bad” but that Pan’s Labyrinth was “a waste of time.” I just smiled and nodded my head. I love humanity, but sometimes when it comes to movies, I just want to punch it in the face.
Ok, story over.
on Jun 04 2008 @ 11:36 am 7. Evan Derrick said …
Oh, and Daniel, that question is kind of like asking whether it would be worth it for politicians to start telling the truth all of the time.
on Jun 04 2008 @ 12:03 pm 8. Daniel said …
True, it just seems like most weeks have at least one or two solid movies to help you overlook the rest. Sight unseen I would say Control is that film this week, but that’s only based on what I’ve heard.
on Jun 04 2008 @ 4:37 pm 9. Craig Kennedy said …
I heart Machine Girl. ALl the movie needs are a couple of monkeys or maybe a dwarf or two and we’ve got cinematic GOLD.
on Jun 05 2008 @ 12:43 pm 10. Evan Derrick said …
Ok Craig, I’m not going to be happy now until you post a review of “Machine Girl” on LiC. I dare you. I double dare you. I triple-dog-severed-arm-gatling-gun dare you.
on Jun 05 2008 @ 6:07 pm 11. Ari said …
“Control” is an exceptional film, one of the best last year. It’s not your standard biopic, either. It’s not as experimental as “I’m Not There”, but in its own way I’d say it’s just about as cinematic. “I’m Not There” brings to mind Richard Lester and Federico Fellini, “Control” has elements of a Scorsese concert film with the eye of pure Godard. It’s the film that should’ve won the best cinematrography Oscar last year. And there’s not enough you can say about the lead performance in the film. It’s incredible work.
on Jun 06 2008 @ 11:43 am 12. Evan Derrick said …
Ok, ok! (as he runs from the club wielding Control apologists)
I will put this on my list, since everyone thinks so highly of it.
on Jun 22 2008 @ 11:33 pm 13. Thadd Harrington said …
I can’t help but notice that you didn’t have any recommendations for Semi-Pro. But let’s be honest here, Will Ferrell has basically basically just been remaking the same movie over and over again since Elf, so anyone who bothers to watch it will have already seen it at least three times.